Sardonic Incredulity

8:16am: Where do hedgehogs come from?

6:41pm: I kicked ass at bowling.

11:24am: Beatboxing the flute.
This makes sense really: if you can beatbox and you can play the flute, they you ought to be able to beatbox into your flute:



And if you can play the Inspector Gadget theme tune, you have a winning formula.

7:01pm: Funny 'cause true.

10:08pm: Firearms
I was just talking to (or at) dzietsma about some of the stuff I did today as a student police officer and I figured I'd paste it in here for posterity. I spent the day with the Firearms Unit, playing with the guns they use and looking round the 'museum of seized weapons'. Some fascinating stuff in there, like German WWII pistols dug up with swastikas on the side, etc.

(This is mostly just my side of the conversation, by the way - lest you think I was talking to myself. Although, to be fair, I was doing most of the talking.)

(21:56:11) Si: They have this room kitted out with big projector screen walls, surround sound, positional microphones, pressure pads, cameras, laser Glocks and rifles, etc. It's what they call 'World's Most Expensive PlayStation Game".
(21:56:31) Si: Very cool. . .you have to use Tac Comms (I.e. shouting) as well as just shooting the hostage taker in the face, etc.
(21:56:56) Si: Then they review the scenario and stop it on every shot fired, showing where you and your partner hit, whether it was fatal, etc.
(21:57:21) Si: I was doing quite well until my partner shot another officer who came round a corner a bit fast.
(21:59:15) Si: He did better than most of the rest of us, who committed murder by shooting the subject after they'd turned and run, or fallen down from the first shot, etc.
(21:59:43) Si: (But to be fair, we hadn't had 7 weeks' intensive training like firearms officers)
21:59
(22:00:39) Alistair: so is the point of the exercise to get you started on the 7 weeks, or to give you a taster to see if you want to go through it, or to give you a taster to see how hard their job is and to respect them more?
(22:00:56) Si: The latter 2.
(22:02:09) Si: We're all 10 months into the job now. In two months we're expected to at least have decided whether we want to go towards 'investigative' or 'operational' policing. The great thing is that there are SO many career paths available. A few people want to go into firearms.. .they might not now (and vice-versa).
(22:02:36) Alistair: cool
(22:02:45) Alistair: how about you, still interested in high-tech crime?
(22:03:16) Si: We've just completed a 3-week residential course on witness and suspect interviewing which was very interesting and I can see myself getting into it a fair bit. The methods and models they use are so well developed it's incredible. You feel like Cracker.
(22:04:09) Si: I'm almost entirely not interested in High-Tech Crime now. I'm interested in advancing the technology that the Police use...but that is a serious uphill battle against budgets and dinosaur senior management.
(22:04:23) Alistair: nods
(22:04:45) Alistair: better to let the outside R&D people do that and then struggle to sell their new kit back in to the force
22:04
(22:05:24) Si: Next week I'm still residential on a Critical Incidents course, then I'm on a four month attachment to CID, running investigations in Volume Crime. Depending on how that goes, I'll have a better idea.
(22:05:49) Si: I think I'll just paste all this into a LiveJournal entry.

Et voila :)

6:47pm: Lights outside the window.
I really like these lamps that mark the entrance to our door. They look great when they're lit and great when they're not. ..but they look a bit silly when they're not both doing the same thing. (The one on the right has been fixed since I took this.)

1:12am: Choose your house discrimination by predudice.
Maybe I'm being a bit sensitive but this poster in the AMF bowling alley annoyed me.

- If you are "disabled" you should use a 6 lb ball.

- If you are a lady, you should use an 8, 10 or 12 lb ball (the heavier ones are for the men).

- And yes, it suggests what weight you should use if you are old, too.

Why couldn't they just show what weight each colour represents and leave it at that?

10:36pm: Relaxing by the bunny toys
This seems to be Chloe's new favourite place. We are quite happy with her because she has recently stopped trying to eat the sofas and carpet and is restricting herself to eating FOOD. Good bunny!

7:58pm: Rear Window
C and I are halfway through watching Rear Window (IMDb) and it's rather good. I rented it because it's ranked #13 in the IMDb top 250 movies. It features an impressive indoors-as-outdoors set and lots of good, timeless dialogue.

Clearly I'm not nearly as good at summarising films as Kevan.

1:09pm: Procedural Beauty
Fake. Would.

10:03am: I'm so dumb (when it comes to Bluetooth (apparently)).
Stupid me, I must make sure I am entering the proper passkey ON MY MOUSE.

10:45pm: Rargh!

7:11pm: New Office Slang
http://www.officeslang.com/ lists modern day slang you might hear in the average office.

Some are rubbish but here are a few that I liked:

Adminisphere - The rarified organizational layers above the rank and file that makes decisions that are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant.

Assmosis - The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

Blamestorming - A group discussion of why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.

Idea Hamsters - People whose idea generators are always running.

Percussive Maintenance - The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

Seagull Manager - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, shits over everything and then leaves

9:26pm: CSI - hydroponics shed
Visited this today. Looks like a perfectly normal shed at the bottom of the garden. Oh, apart from the hose running to it from the house. And the vent in the roof. Power cables running inside, tools in front of the door (hiding the false wall) and reflective wallpaper complete the picture. Take a look inside...

5:19pm: Meebo Me!

2:59pm: Feizal recovering a Harley Davidson
This is my good friend Feizal taking great glee in having to ride a Harley up the ramp onto the recovery vehicle.

If anyone reads my LiveJournal and thinks their own blog's readers might be interested in some scrapbook entries from my early Police career, like this one, then please send them my way:

http://izzard-uk.livejournal.com

...and I'll try to keep them entertained. Thanks!

2:56pm: Dusting for prints.
A bit about how we dust for fingerprints at a crime scene.

11:01pm: Barrier displaced
A few cameraphone snaps of a (non-fatal) accident on the carriageway.

10:39pm: I wonder if anyone reads this anymore...?
Just seeing if anyone is still reads my LiveJournal really. Let me know if you do, maybe I'll start posting again.

To open this tomato sauce sachet you will have to rip a child’s foot off and watch the blood-like condiment ooze out. A gruesome but nifty idea for the New Zealand Campaign Against Landmines (CALM) who are fundraising to clear Lebanon of explosive nasties. Sachets have been distributed to Fish ‘n Chip shops and cafes throughout NZ.

8:01am: It's like rai-i-ain on your wedding day.
I just cut my finger on the plastic cap of a bottle of TCP.
Chuh.

10:39am: I want to join the Analogy Police.

1:08am: HELL of SAAAANNNDDD!!!
Rather fun:
http://ishi.blog2.fc2.com/blog-entry-165.html

3:28pm: Call from an angry boyfriend (not mine).
A little earlier today my mobile rang and I didn't recognise the number.

Me: Hello?

Stranger: Hello?

Me: Um.. hello?

Stranger: Who the FUCK is this!? Where's 'Shell?

Now, at this point I could choose to simply inform the guy that he had got the wrong number. But it's been a slow day and HE made a mistake by choosing to ring me up and shout at me. Something evil in me clicked.

Me: She doesn't want to talk to you.

(I know - I know. Evil.)

Stranger (squealing in angry incredulity): What the FUCK!? Who is this?.

Me (feeling inventive, and emulating his chav voice): It's Dan... ..from the Pub. Look, just forg-

Stranger: I thought you were going home yesterday! I knew it. I fucking knew it. Just tell her to call me. Actually, just fuck off!

Me: You can say what you like: she's not interested. Just leave it.

And with that, I gleefully hung up. I spent the next five minutes feeling a bit bad about it.

But only the next five minutes.

3:53pm: Unbelievable pencil carvings!
What do you make of these?

8:08pm: HAHAHAHA!
In case you needed any more evidence that cats exist for our entertainment purposes:
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/41395/the_boomerang_cat/